A long-time writing world friend, author, editor, thinker, and friend, Mick Silva, did a post about this topic, and I asked him to do one for us. He’ll challenge you in a very good way to think more deeply. You can find his website and blog at MickSilva.com
Almost everywhere throughout history, there’s a version of this idea that the moral life is the goal and balance is the method. In every established culture, moral character has been seen as an ideal that requires refinement to develop over the course of lifetime.
Western civilization was based on the Greeks, and the study of virtue and ethics were no exception. Aristotle defined virtue using what he called “The Golden Mean,” with “mean” meaning “middle ground” or medium, and I loved finding this visualization of it from Jim Lanctot:
Considering how much personal and social struggle arises from acting too far left or right of center, not to mention how much extremism we all encounter in our daily dealings with friends and acquaintances, it seemed well worth sharing. Every character quality we’re trying to grow is balanced between vices on a continuum. We could include other desirable traits (generosity, or playfulness/humor, for instance), but what a great model, like the best of sage wisdom. Moderation is the goal, and if you’re struggling or your friends all share a particular vice, it’s a great reminder of what balance means.
Because we all get unbalanced at times. Others don’t know our motives or have the fuller context, so we have to be okay seeming unbalanced (i.e. humility). But discernment and temperance can also help us know when it’s good to clarify our actions. Even if you were fortunate like me to have a great Christian upbringing, there’s no “one-size-fits-all” to facing life’s challenges.
For instance, being saved by faith doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll know how to say “no” to things. Despite Jesus’ example of perfect love, I still swing between taking on duties and roles I shouldn’t and saying “I’m not feeling led.” I believe true faithfulness has to start with healthy self-expression. And that means balancing these things. Letting “your yes be yes and your no, no” involves many of those virtues listed above. But so often, factors beyond our control throw it off—Maslow’s basics like food and sleep, stress, and a myriad of unresolved emotions. Just when I think I’ve escaped the performance treadmill, a new request comes and spiritual-sounding excuses escape my mouth. Why do I do what I hate and pick up the mask again?
Maybe trying to reflect Christ should come with a warning label.
But this one image reminds me we’re all perpetual amateurs. Or “professional bunglers.” I’ll make progress in one area, then fall back into taking on too much again. But can I love well while working to claim myself back from the performance trap? Not everyone’s going to like it, but ears are not feet. And the church needs confident body parts.
If you’re aiming for balance, God bless you. Go easy on yourself, and others. And keep looking to Jesus for what his model teaches. We desperately need to see your way of being faithful too.
Kick Starting the Application
How balanced do you tend to be in moral areas? Why most causes you to veer to an extreme? What specific steps can you take to balance your virtues?