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On January 8, the Unconventional post explored dealing with imperfect people, with one line as the key: “A perfect God has chosen to use imperfect people to bring other imperfect people to the perfect God.” In the discussion, someone asked about imperfect churches, so let’s step back and tweak that line and transform it into churches: “A perfect God has chosen to use imperfect churches to bring imperfect people to the perfect God.” So, how do we handle imperfect churches? And trust me, all are imperfect. I’ve been on staff at 5 churches, one that I planted, and none of them were all I yearned for. So let’s look at two questions: when might it be time to consider leaving a church, and how should we do it?
Frankly, some churches should be left, but like marriage, we should begin with a long-term mindset. Divorce, both in marriage or church, should be a thoughtful and patient process that likely will bring pain. Why might it be time to consider leaving? Sometimes, churches change in style or programs or doctrine, and the loss in compatibility ends the once good fit. You might not be able to find a ministry and feel like you’re only valued for your butt in a seat and your bucks. God designed the church so the members do the ministry (Ephesians 4:11-12). Some churches develop a toxic environment, where valid different opinions are not only not tolerated but demeaned. Sin issues, often with key leadership, may be hidden, ignored, or not addressed correctly. Sheila and I left a church where leadership was untruthful about some significant changes in personnel, and we found it hard to respect the leaders’ integrity after that. And, you can find a host of other reasons; these reflect some common ones.
So how do we work the process? Some suggestions. First, and this is for any church, focus on copying God, not his followers. People can influence us for good or bad, but all have flaws. Second, in all churches, craft good supportive personal connections with healthy followers. That will help as you evaluate leaving or staying, and after the decision is made. Third, anticipate pain and loss, even with a necessary departure. You’re apt to lose some relationships built on being in the same church. Some may avoid you, and you can feel uncomfortable when you meet them in public. Fourth, if leaving becomes your best option, do it with love and grace, not gossip and anger. Jesus said unity between believers will demonstrate to unbelievers that our faith is genuine (John 17:21), so let’s treat one another, and the church, as we would like to be.
Kick Starting the Application
Have you chosen to leave a church because of issues within the church or leadership? Do you have any regrets about how you did that? How could you have handled it in a more godly manner? Do you need to go back and apologize to some? Will you? What advice would you give someone considering a church change?