While in San Diego two years back to celebrate our anniversary, Sheila twisted wrong and broke a vertebra. The pain pretty much immobilized her, even getting out of bed caused too much pain, so she lived on the living room couch. The surprise arrived when Allie, our cat of 12 years, never left her side. She sensed something was wrong, and stayed on Sheila’s lap or snuggled up against her. I suspected Allie would continue that, but once Sheila healed, Allie went back to her normal cat ways.
But about two weeks ago, Allie began slowing down. Her appetite went away, she had no desire to explore the outside world that brought her such joy. We, and the vet, suspected diabetes. At her age, giving a daily insulin shot didn’t seem merciful. She knew something was wrong, though, and the roles switched. Before, she crawled up on Sheila’s lap to give comfort. Now she crawled up to gain comfort. She almost lives there now, as the pic shows. And that’s fine.
I couldn’t help but think of the passage, “…the God of all comfort…comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
God gives comfort for two reasons: to comfort us, so we can then comfort others. Isn’t Allie a great example of giving and then receiving comfort? Maybe our Allie Cat can give us all some comfort lessons. First, let’s strive to identify people who need comfort. Maybe a heightened awareness of the state a person is in. Many won’t share their needs, but we can discover them by their demeanor, their actions, their face, their conversations. Granted, some have a spiritual gift for this, but we all can improve.
Second, begin with the gift of presence, like Allie. Think of Job, who lost his wealth in livestock, his children, and his health. Three friends heard and came to him, “they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No-one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was” (Job 2:12-13). No great theological insights, just being there. An entire week. Not a word. Like Allie. Our presence shows we care, that they don’t face it alone.
Third, be careful of giving unrequested spiritual insights on why it happened. After the silent presence, Job’s friends got theological. They blamed Job for 14 chapters, and he responded, “miserable comforters are you all!” What worked best? Their presence or their advice?
OK, spiritual comments have a place, but mostly when requested. And when it’s OK, try to avoid giving a reason. In the entire book of Job, neither Job nor his friends knew the backstory. Let’s be cautious about putting words in God’s mouth. Maybe we can listen a bit more? Find out their take? And most of the time, your presence and care do the most.
Fourth, act. Prayers are actions. Maybe they’d rather you not pray with them right then. Don’t push it, but pray away from them. Can you do something? Watch their kids to give them a break. Bring a meal. Mow their lawn or clean their house. Or…you can figure it out. 😊
The result of giving comfort? We build better bonds between us. We help each other through pains. And we weave God deeper into the fabric of our lives. I suspect giving comfort is one of the ways that God works in all things for good.
Kick Starting the Application
Do you have a natural gift of mercy, or recognizing a time to comfort others? If not, how can you enhance that? When comforting, what makes you most inclined to give advice? When you’ve given advice in the past to someone hurting, did it help? When others have comforted you, what worked best? How can you pass that on?